Here is part two to my entry for Voice Week 2011 (which I can now happily say I am an accepted entrant! Phew…)! Hope you enjoy.
* Angel in a Wedding Dress *
Part Two
She looks like an angel—an ideal subject. She turns her head just-so, and a wonderful picture could be had. If only the bridesmaid would cease her fussing so he could get a clear shot.
There is a moment, only a few seconds long, in which the father answers the door, the bridesmaid searches through her cosmetics bag, and the bride is left alone before the mirror. In the silence of that moment, he looks up from his camera and is faced with the perfect image.
Her hands are folded prettily in her lap and her face is down-turned in quiet thought. Eagerly, he lifts the camera and situates the shot.
His finger hovers over the button; for a second he thought he’d seen something, a hint of uncertainty, darkening her eyes.
But then—click!—and the moment is lost.
- Love The Bad Guy
A hint of darkness? This sure is getting exciting! Can’t wait to read more
Thank you so much! You haven’t any idea how much I smiled at the thought of having “hooked” a reader!
Interesting development! Can’t wait to see where this goes next.
ah, perhaps a moment of cold feet or uncertainty!
Looking forward to how this develops!
I am loving this! Please don’t mind if I suggest something here as a thought…..It would be nice if you did not mention the headings FATHER, PHOTOGRAPHER. I think you should leave that to us readers to find out which voice it is that you have tried to paint.
Ahh, you have no idea how greatly I struggled with this! Should I include “chapter” titles? Should I leave it blank?
I very nearly left it blank, but then decided that I wanted to create an assumption with the titles; for example, what does “The Father” make you think? Would the reader expect dispondency? Would they expect over-protectiveness? Would they expect joy?
I create a title, and then play around with it.
But even now, I wonder if a guessing game would be the better way to go… If the headings mysteriously disappear, give yourself a pat on the shoulder, my friend!
Thanks for the constructive criticism!
Wow. Love this. Love his thought process. I can really feel the silence, the building up of the moment. Can’t wait for tomorrow!
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“An ideal subject” — cool, clinical. The anticipation, then loss, and sense of doubt are all really provocative. Great job!
Thank you all for reading and taking the time to share your thoughts. I really appreciate it!
Seems like the voice of a cool professional – you can feel the distance between him and the wedding/other people. Neat.
Another great voice. I love the way the tension is building with just a hint of something. Nobody is quite sure what and I think that is summed up really well with your last line, “But then ‘click’ and the moment is lost.”
Looking forward to tomorrow’s voice.
Every issue a photographer faces is addressed, good job! Robin
Ah! This sent shivers down my spine! This is so geat
Your writing is truely splendid!
nice pov from the photographer, some1 who would notice everything from moment to moment…its a li’l sad how she had tat moment and that brushed it off at a click…n then it brings to mind all the other happy moments, do they all disappear at a click? Hope not!