The Woes of a First-Time Home Leaver: Part IV – A Non-Exhaustive List

  1. I have blisters on my hands from… doing things. Like running the household. And building cheap furniture.
  2. Thinking of how to feed myself every single day is exhausting.
  3. How many times can I have tea and toast for dinner before people start judging me?
  4. My four-slice toaster with its “A little bit more” button is now my prized possession, and isn’t that just a little bit sad.
  5. I am terrible at adhering to a strict bedtime.
  6. My money seems to be mysteriously disappearing from my account. How very odd…
  7. HOW DO YOU FOLD A FITTED SHEET?!
  8. Finishing work and returning to a dark, empty, silent house is rather lonely.
  9. There’s a creepy-ass spider that I can see on my living room window. He’s on the outside, thank god, but still terrifying. In an attempt to align myself to his presence, I have decided to name him. He is called Marteen. That’s “Mar-teen”, like “martini” without the final “-ee”. It was originally “Martin”, but I decided to class it up a bit because I am very tired. (See point 5.)
  10. I still have boxes everywhere. Everywhere. Why do I own so much shit?
  11. Maybe I have a hoarding problem.
  12. But then at work, I have obsessive tendencies that lend themselves well to the task of tidying the drawers and under-counter spaces that haven’t seen the light of day in three years. If I could use that superpower in the task of unpacking, that’d be greeeeaaaat.
  13. Getting mail is much less exciting when it’s always bills.
  14. I’ve never used a gas oven before. Am I… am I going to get high? I’m probably going to get high.
  15. I thought I was so prepared, but as time goes on, I start noticing all the little things that I forgot to buy in preparation for moving out. Like an ironing board. The weird thing is, I remembered to get an iron.
  16. I miss hearing my Mum snore at night. And that’s something I never thought I’d say.
  17. Martine has just skulked back into view while I write this and now I am very distracted.
  18. “I should go to bed now but instead I’m going to stay on the computer for another four hours”. An autobiography.

– Love The Bad Guy

Wow, remember when I used to write hover text? Good times...

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